Saturday, March 13, 2010
i am damn tired.
physically.
mentally.
emotionally.
you can simply put it : my health has 'plateaued.' i do not know how much more i can push myself. and suddenly i dont feel like giving it a damn.
suddenly i feel like letting go of what i've been trying to sustain so much since i enter the big glorious university life. then just die out. afterall we all will die sooner or later and unless we're some genius or lady luck's bestie, everything on earth will still stay unaffected..even when we turn into ashes. people always say treat everyday like the last day on earth--live it to the fullest. since my definition of "fullest" isnt spending time holding stationaries, i wanna spend it elsewhere, which unfortunately most are not considered socially beneficial. sigh. im so contradicting. it's either im living each day "too full" due to consecutively packed timetables and activities or that i feel like all these aint what i aim for in life, i spend my days too wastefully.
i couldnt spend sufficient time with my family, my friends out of this caged university. in fact, i couldnt even find time to meet good friends from the faculty just a block away! this sucks.
but. these are times i tell myself, "live on. for you have people who care, who geniuinely love you, despite the temporal and spatial separation." and to add on, i tell myself, "in the process of achieving long term goals, more often than not, it is the experience that counts rather then the final result. thus experience is what you get. and since it is consistently felt, it gives you a motivation continue. isnt it?"
so sick and tired. i wanna recover. but it seems.. mind over body, mind over body, mind over body... my mind isnt giving my body the chance. and now my mind's determination is wearing out, i get short-tempered and REALLY emotional. i couldnt believe i cried when my senior simply commented, "you paddle very slow lehh.." WTF.
zomg. im trying to psycho myself to be optimistic. how pathetic is this.
i wanna find a personal space.
and a nobody's shoulder to lean on.
and let it out.
i am fucking tired.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 12:07 PM