surviving the odds

and still making my stand



Wednesday, December 30, 2009

im so picking up my skinny darling home one of these days. im so making my mom and dad agree to picking up my skinny darling home one of these days. but argh, need to bug my aunt for the cage. which is like making us feel like we owe her, alright, actually we seem to do most of the time considering how she showers us with presents by the boot and exotic fruits by cartons.. :/
results didnt cheer me up much but i guess it didnt fail me either, afterall something has to pay back for me staying in hall for ONE ENTIRE MONTH. shant flaunt it shant dwell on it.
ok. im really bored with a burnt face now. -.-

I WANT MY DEAREST HOME.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 9:14 PM





who signs in at 7am. ME
who goes to school despite a flu. ME (ok. im recovering yay)
who goes all the way home although she knows she has to be in school early morning the next 2 consecutive days. ME
alright. im driving myself up the wall. and im beginning to develop the i dont want to sleep in hall syndrome. LIKE REALLY REALLY. but that's probably because it's hall alone throughout the holidays :/ and my roomie really doesnt care about the room haha. anyway, speaking of loneliness, it's definitely important to have available kind souls around in this technologically-controlled hall. i left my access card in the toilet yesterday and was frantically knocking on doors in which i thought humans would be behind it. heng toilet aunties exists. IMAGINE THIS SITUATION ON A WEEKEND. THEN NO ONE CAN SAVE ME! (fyi: the access card gives entry to the girl's hall, the toilet and most importantly, MY ROOM. )
ok. im so bored i might just start blogging a second post sometime later in the day.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 7:24 AM





troubled

Monday, December 28, 2009

i love you.
maybe i posted too many happy post. that's why im back to emo-ing. *big sigh*

it started with repetitive sneezing fits and continuously dripping runny nose. then a slight sore in the throat and then reduced appetite and now a blocked nose and a heavy head. it didnt just stop here. took the chance to visit my dearest at her pet shelter on saturday after feeling i-am-totally-not-in-the-shape-to-touch-water(water training) or to-breathe-town-air(LD gathering). afterall, havent seen her for a month or two.
i broke into tears the moment i felt her spine and lifted her frail body out of her box. her pupils were dilated as if she just got anesthesized. suddenly i felt as if she was leaving me. the thought of how i missed dachi's last breath by just a kilometer away from the hospital thrashed my broken heart further. i cannot afford to lose another childhood playmate. (for those who dont know, my life in primary school revolves around cats and dogs because maids that i used to rely on are often switched and my parents and siblings often not with me.)
im praying. praying real hard that she'll eat. and regain her wildful energy to resist control, even if it means scratching blood out of me. sadistic i know, but the bond is beyond words. ): and this period feels like a crucial moment.

"please. if you need to go, at least go in my arms. in the comfort zone of a proper home away from that pet shelter that offers you no warmth. )))):"



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 12:24 PM





back from MONSTER training camp

Thursday, December 24, 2009

i looked down at the pair of tan shiny hands. NOPE. not my sister's, they're mine.. OH FREAK. my hands are officially as tan as my sister's after breaking out free from canoepolo training camp. never had i done so much "twinklestars"(you basically lift up your arms perpendicular to the front or sides of your body and flick your fingers 20 times X no. of people X number of rounds..sometimes X no. of sets) or pushups or chinups(assisted duh) or dips or bathed so much in a span of 3 days..SHAGGED. i came home and drop dead for 14 hours on bed.

reported on sunday night because seniors fear people will be late for 6.15am 3-4km run afterwhich THEN we proceeded for breakfast. probably because we couldnt sleep well the night before, by lunch we felt it was day 2 already which unfortunately, hell has yet to befall. ): ok so land training water training feeding time more training and blah blah blah. thankfully the next morning's run was slighting later at 7am where there was LIGHT and i could SEE WHAT I WAS STEPPING ON EACH STRIDE I TAKE. THANKFULLY. breakfast again and more trainings and trainings.. ok. a short 1.5hr game of handball and that was the only irrelevant part of the training. sad. was looking forward to day 3 games initially until senior R shocked us that it was canoepolo games. fun to her but to shagged-from-day-1 juniors, AW MAN! when we finally thought the camp was over, "SURPRISE!" let's go diving pool do pushups/crunches before heading in for dips. *faints* im totally not looking forward to the next training camp. haha. although i brought this upon myself lol. those hungry and bonding and food proceeded on to west mall for sakae buffet(I DONT LIKE SUSHI. BUT I DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE. =.=)

so here's generally how i look now:

thank goodness my body dont ache as much now. i still have difficulty lifting up my arm though lol. in the meanwhile, i see my family amused at the helmet i brought home from canoepolo. my brothers and sister were happily passing around to try in on and walk around the house while my mom said it's too loose (which was why i brought it home to apply cushion to fit my head size) and looks too fragile (NO IT ISNT) so she ingeniously suggested that GO BUY A MOTORCYCLE HELMET LAH. BETTER PROTECTION SOMEMORE CAN SEE CLEARLY. she hasnt seen how a canoepolo game goes about and if she does, she'll understand why my face is hehind a steel cage instead of a clear sheet of plastic (because it'll simply get scratched by any paddles that comes right up to your face accidentally or not, if it doesnt shatter that is.)

i didnt realise how i felt emotionally after the camp until my brother said i was all smiles, despite all the whining i had at him the moment i stepped into the house. like duh. MONSTER CAMP. REALLY. REALLY REALLY. but maybe i smiled so much cause i know camp has ended or maybe from the buffet lunch which we ended at freaking 5.30pm that day or maybe im simply thankful for everything (excludes the part about me and my eyecandy. GAWWWWWWWWD. i think he's giving me stares because he knows it. HE KNOWS IT. and somehow, i just freeze and distract myself. THEN AGAIN. it's just eyecandy, i have many. so i think... let them niao me like how they niao senior R lor..)

im also kinda mad about SMRT causing a delay which led to me taking 3 times the time (i.e. 1.5hrs in total) i take to journey home, especially when i was so shagged from camp, carrying so MANY and HEAVY stuff, have no place to sit and have to squeeze like sardine. apparently the train broke down or something before it reached the next stop after i boarded from bukit batok. so several hundred of tired and innocent soul who soon became pissed off were stuck on the track for 20minutes. the train accelerated and braked frequently like a super inconfident learner driver at the wheel all the way till bukit gombak station. frankly, my legs and back were giving way and i wanted to puke(i just ate buffet if you remember). so the whole train of passengers had to evacuate and wait for the next train and the next and the next (cause every train was packed and only a handful could enter.) vulgarities were hurled and many took taxis. buses? many were used to taking train such that everyone were dumbfounded at the bus to take home. indeed, mrt has played an important part of our lives since the 90s. as for me, i took my time at sat down at the platform seat the moment i had my chance until 7pm. so in a way, you could say i took 1hr to travel from bukit batok to bukit gombak(which was just one stop away). how nice. i wanted to lodge a complain, but i guess i'll leave that to the rest of the public who can argue their way better. anyway to SMRT, im just a nobody.

for now, im kinda bothered over the paddle issue. im pretty sure i will get one, but am on second thoughts of getting one on my own, unless i get a secondhand. but now that im quite set on being a goalkeeper, im restricted to getting one of a certain length. RAWR. kinda irritated actually. hopefully i can take things slowly (but senior YX says im slow. HE ALWAYS SAYS IM SLOW =.=) so even if things dont go as expected. i can remain calm and SMILE. ahhh. christmas is about giving and appreciating. i thank senior YX for giving such a programme and i thoroughly appreciated it, and without sacarsm.




All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 5:24 PM





poor britney

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

was viewing maria carey's then leona's videos and was totally awed by these female singers.. then i came across leona singing britney's video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHBG_5YZIgU&NR=1

it's depressing to see how she got transformed from a college girl to what many call a bitch now. she's at the drugs and post-teenage crisis like "how come other (college) people can have sex but i cant?", "why cant i have a boyfriend who doesnt care about me about a superstar or not?" and stuff like that. sad. admit it, she CAN sing and CAN dance. and like everyone, she has her other side of the story that is deeply buried in the music industry.

a bitch or not, i think i admire her. im actually looking forward to listening to her songs everytime i hook myself on youtube. hmm.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 5:50 PM





Monday, December 14, 2009

pardon the screwed up format below. something's terribly wrong with blogger nowadays. :/



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 3:54 PM





a little bit here a little bit there

class outing at suntec. had nothing better to do. so we went to the arcade and found ourselves stuck to the neoprints machine. cheap free-thrill manz.
was browsing through facebook and i found this!
cycling with my 2 darlings at a recent trip to ECP. i think screwed it up well. haha (:
DEH REAL NEOPRINTS.

national day celebration turned out to be an footwork practise session..



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 3:35 PM





EXCITING MEETUPS (:

Thursday, December 10, 2009

(photos are not with me. perhaps you'll catch them on facebook. or when im bored, i'll copy over to my blog) woohoo. in a span of 2 days (but actually if you're niao and go and count, it's less than 24 hours), i caught up with all my beloved babes! YAY. i am so thankful.
training on tuesday was DEADLY. haha. combined training really meant combined. at first, second, third and up till the time i assembled for training, i was still thinking that OH. IT'S JUST DOING THE SAME STUFF WITH LESSER REPETITIONS AND LESSER INTENSITY. freak. gawd knows the poor few of us(girls) suffering from post-examinations-fitness-failure were made to run in front of the guys. O_O (perhaps from my seniors point of view, it meant that i become deprived of motivation from my eyecandy -_-" I SWEAR HE NEVER POPPED IN MY MIND UNTIL THEY MENTIONED HIM. i am a very focused fellow at trainings) i guessed the initial plan was to make us do circuits as we RUN the entire round of NTU. but after several stations of pushups, pullups, crunches, scissor-kicks and dips, the girls spilt up from the guys, reducing our routine by approximately half. or you could simply put it the other way as that the guys gave up on the girls who ran so slowly~ T_T went for lunch with claire and slyvia after training. we spent 1hour to stone before another hour to eat. WE WERE FREAKING DRAINED. haha. thankfully, the night training wasnt that bad because we all managed to get some nap during the day. (AHH. I CLEANED MY ROOM MINE AND MY ROOMIE'S FLOOR CUPBOARD WINDOW GRILLS TOO. IMAGINE THE AMOUNT OF CALORIES I BURNT ON TUESDAY!) anyway, that would be somewhat close to how i would be going through for my training camp pre-christmas. GOOD LUCK
body is slow so i began aching A LITTLE PUNIE BIT the next day. rushed home hoping to SHOW my face to my mom but i guess the supermarket was more important at that time of the day? -_-" met seet at the mrt station soon after reaching home and WHEEE. the begining of the crazy fuzzy girl story:
i couldnt run with ease. so seet bought 40bucks worth of food from ion alone. and SHE KNOWS WE'RE GOING TO HAVE LUNCH. char and jwong were probably butterflying away in holland village so yea, seet was literally in heaven. ME? HAHA. SPOTTING HOT BABES AND HUNKS OF COURSE. unfortunately none was spotted. lunched off simply at foodrepublic (see the contrast of perspective on food between me and seet..) and catching up with stories of lovelife and schoollife. rushed off to meet ks at cineleisure and yay. KBOX FINALLY. supposed to end at 5.30pm but we figured that we shouldnt go overboard and finally bidded the room goodbye at 6.30pm SURPRISINGLY no one came to shoo us off! so MAYBE we sung too well or MAYBE they were guilty of ks's strawberry yogurt which took 3 hours to came and magically turned into strawberry soda O_O ok. that that's for wed. was supposed to club. but due to unforseen circumstances, i didnt in the end. but it's kind of a BLESSING.
scheduled to meet seet at the same mrt station at 745 this MORNING. talk loads of cock and chicken. hahh. those were the days we always attempt to board the same train to school. arrived at bedok SLIGHTLY too early so we drifted around the hawker centre where seet continue to drool. AT LEAST she bought lesser. renu was faithfully waiting at the 401 bench and i could imagine her in that whiteblousegreenskirt again... we stood at the makeshift busboarding station and finally realised something. IT ONLY OPERATES ON FREAKING WEEKENDS. HAHAHA. IM SUCH A GENIUS. but hey, the bus route directory didnt mention that! before we lose our way and break our legs we proceeded to the counter and I ASKED for directions. yet another embarassing moment. SO BIG A PAPER PASTED ON THE GLASS BLOCKING MY VIEW BUT I DIDNT SEE that it states how to go to ECP. DINGDING. (actually, this scenario is of close resemblence to my colour-blindness test. WHOOOPSIEEE. i guess HISTORY DOES REPEATS ITSELF)
seet says my cycling skills are terrible. haha. dont doubt her words. >.< but that's just because, WELL. after familiarising with a vehicle it's really awkward to be riding something "primitive" again! like, you cant control the steering simply with just a hand or two gentle grips. instead, you have to grab the handles so tightly as if you were not riding, but TEST-RIDING a rollercoaster you invented yourself. then you cant signal left or right nor do you have rear mirrors to look out of cyclists "tailgating" yourself! EVEN WORSE, you cant brake as usual with your foot and you dont have brakelights for those behind you!(explains the near crashes i had behind me today XD) NOW YOU SEE. A BICYCLE DOESNT HAVE ALL THESE TO PREVENT AN ACCIDENT!-------->> SEET AGREED WITH ME TODAY. so renu? YOU BETTER AGREE. HEH.
sigh. im so gonna miss these babes. not yet frankly. but when i get the time alone, perhaps i'll emo about the retarded photos we took, the countless attempts of jumpshots HEH, the strangely remote paths we took, the amount of laughter we had under the baking sun and the evil temptations we tried to do on one another will soon be a fond memory once again. but NO WORRIES. WE SHALL RELIVE IT SOOOOOOOOON! NEXT CHRISTMAS MY DEARS! and people having hangover from clubbing like jwong can join us officially too. HAHA.
*a point of note: my gorilla brother called me a baboon. cause IM RED from sunburns and I CANT SIT PROPERLY thanks to the bike seat*
what an awesome way to start the week. (: but my body aches hasnt gone. AWWWWWWW MANN. i dread basketball 3-on-3 tomorrow. I CANT FREAKING PLAY THE DARN BALL GAME WELL.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 9:43 PM





post year 1 sem 1 exams.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

yayness. exams are FINALLY over for me. biostatistics a killer that i still dont get, either it's simply because the notes werent sufficient, or that i didnt mug hard enough. but given the plight of my head buzzing with occassional headaches, i think i tried my best. ahh, chemical energetics that tells you all about explosive compounds. i never found it such a breeze. but i S/U-ed it. (S/U means it wont be counted as part of your GPA no matter how well you score. BUT if you get below a C, you need to retake that blardy module) what a waste.

kinda depressing that i didnt get to hang out with my friends like what we used to (those days after all major examinations and minor tests we would go kbox to find out how much lung power had been diminished or simply window shopping to burn extra tyres). it was RAINing cats and dogs it sorta more of drenched my thought of going window shopping especially when i felt like this weight that had been held afloat above my head just dropped. hmm. it sounds weird but perhaps you'll get the idea if i give u an analogy. it's like your survival instincts that's keeping you from blacking out. and when you finally see your rescuers, you surprisingly just couldnt hold on anymore and just drop unconscious right in front of them, not before they come or after they send you to the hospital, it's like RIGHT ON THE DOT. (actually, it's interesting to know that such a reflex is not a myth or drama. it's got something to do with a drop in some neurotransmitter or something. aiyah I FORGOT LAH) so similarly, the moment i know i finished the last word on my last paper, my brain just gushed. like how it feels when you turn upside down for an uncomfortable amount of time. awful but bearable. the aftermath was i was speaking super monotonously. i cant talk and look at the person at the same time, because somehow it used more brainpower and would hurt my head even more. I DO NOT KNOW WHY.

ok, got a ride home from my brother who was initially, dont know reluctant or, simply just too preoccupied to send me home. oh wells. televisioned abit for the brain-dead me and then i stare at the economics notes i brought home. ARGH. head hurts, not because of the dreadful memories of mugging alone 24/7 in hall, but the very basic TO THROW OR NOT TO THROW question. oh my gawd. i feel so useless.

right, so let's proceed on to something more substantial and in a way, less reader-friendly as my blog entry goes on and on and on and on....longer until you dont just see stars, you see the whole galaxy..

dinner was the best time to interact, and get updates of happenings in the country, the neighbourhood, the home and even that very zi cha stall your dad likes to patronise. loansharks have never been part of my life circle. and now i truly appreciate this fact. this foodstall AM had moved to a new location due to steep increase in rent at the original location so my family happily hunted down this new kopitiam. it was amazingly had to navigate it because the carpark was zig-zig-zag-zig-zag.. but uh, i guess it's better by foot, but the thing is, the kopitiam isnt very centrally located! ahh, anyways, amazement turned horror (at least to me) when i saw the kopitiam signboard splashed with red paint. i asked innocently in disbelief, " is that a ritual to glam up the shop and attract customers?" the answer was and i doubt is ever gonna be known. but my sister speculate the doings of loansharks. hmmmm. does this mean AM's gonna move again? besides, the area of the coffeeshop is pretty small, seems unprofitable for a cookshop like theirs.

the conversation then brought attention to a close relative's new house. the previous owner just moved out and my relatives hasnt shifted in, and we already begin to see O$P$ sign at the lift lobby. my oh my. i am devastated. never have my encounters with loansharks and debt collections been so upclose. (actually, it isnt even upclose, but this is enough to induce fear in me. imagine those poor souls living in less safe regions of the world! like JB! like brazil! *faints*) my dad is suspicious of the previous owner, about why they gave up this centrally located house so suddenly, about why they made their benevolent-looking (thanks to CH for providing vocabulary into my blog) old mother move house so unreluctantly, about why the door was so hideously painted with a thick layer of paint... now we hope to settle this privately with the private owner.. ASAP.

my foot's kinda hurting when it rains. it makes me feel old :/// but i guess it's simply due to my last injury. coincidentally, my brother's, sister's and mom's leg all hurt in one way or another. NOW I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO THE TEMPLE SOON. and hopefully, in the next lunar new year, may all things turn better. now im wondering when my birthday wish would come true. it seems the less materialistic you get in your wishes, the less likely it is to come true. why? ): maybe i prayed too hard and too sincere until it sounded fake. can our religious God differentiate actually?

my my. year's coming to an end but luck hasnt gone uphill for my family yet. it's driving nuts and im gonna grow some cactus, eh, not a good idea because my house's pretty clattered so placing an extra cactus might just cause more harm than good. so maybe some secret fengshui book im gonna invest. WISH US LUCK.

in the meanwhile, "holiday" has begun for me. a WHOLESOME holiday of ISG IHG and trainings. WHERE DO I FIND TIME TO DO CATCHING UPS WITH MY DARLINGS?! *wails* looks like i'll have to start weighing opportunity cost once again. to be a slacker (if skip training) or a betrayer (if skip games) or to be a missing soul ( if skip catchups). oh man. my head hurts again.

let's think of something happier, christmas is coming. (ok. how is that a happier thing.)



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 10:55 PM










clawedwretch
she’s not here, she’s not there.
and she neither stays nor does she hide






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