Monday, September 29, 2008
random pic of the day
a couple of things i wanna blog today.
- the melanine milk situation: evil profit-motivated businessman. very evil. not only did they screwed up the lived of 50 000 children worldwide... and the numbers still increasing, they damaged the reputation of the innocent chinese farmers. totally. although i dont really support the stand that these merciless "creatures" should undergo corporal punishment and be shot, they should definitely be made to pay dearly their whole life. but then again, it contradicts what the singapore government is trying to campaign--the yellow ribbon project. forgive those who are wrong. *sighs* chicken or duck and egg problem again. on second thoughts, why are political prisoners very often then not, condemned by the government for life? and sometimes even their families are dragged down.. what a world with so much contradiction.
- I HEREBY THANK CHINA EASTERN AIRLINES for sending my brother and his wife safely back in time yesterday.. though i'd rather that they played safer and stayed on a while longer at taiwan since it was already howling at great speed when the plane was board?? it was so bad, supposedly, that their baggage couldnt even be loaded as the passengers boarded their planes. then again, there are reports that many airports are actually closed for the next few days until the typhoon ceases. PHEW. whatever it is, im happy to see my big brother back in singapore, especially when he gives that cheeky smile and says, "i've got insurance for the delayed baggage!" ahhhh. whatever. ren mei shi jiu hao.
- foreigners are still not well-treated in singapore, sadly. i was at the airport yesterday to await for the arrival of you-already-know-who. unfortunately or not, we were there half-hour early due to the love for speed of my dad. i swear i dont like speed though i awe at bikes who HUGE tyres. then there they were, i think from bangadesh [sorry it wrong spelling], standing with superbly straight backs in extremely neat and tidy ironed shirts in high hopes of whatever awaits them in singapore. naah, it was exactly they oppposite, the construction company that was supposed to pick them wasnt even there when i left about 4 hours later----thanks to the delayed flight and paperwork over the baggage. i see how the welfare of foreign workers are neglected. at least china, although a major polluter, sends a BUS to transport them.. singapore seem to find itself stuck at the level of lorries with makeshift benches. im not saying that lorry rides are bad, but surely it would be very much appreciated if they had more comfortable positions during their rides?
- prelim results.. the last thing i will ever want to talk about with the class. they'll go "oh, it's not too bad.." and the next moment, "i need one more mark to get my A" when i've got like an E or perhaps a S. i wondered how many times i sighed today. it's time. TIME TO GET SERIOUS. i wonder again when i was really serious and focused on studying. how come it's so hard to get my As.
- seet is crazy about gp. or making she's trying to leave a good impression of herself on ms chan before we part our ways.. just a tinie-winie presentation and she's making me and renu and herself doing a lot of research. hmm. LUCKY WE ONLY DID 3 POINTS.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 10:45 PM
and the tears you cry
at 10:45 PM
let me inspire myself.
after a day. i feel utterly remorseful for saying that my mom is nothing but another kind of maid.
im sorry mom ):
grow up please yings. GROW UP. stop thinking ME. I. MYSELF. it's time to change a a WE. US. then eventually, THEY. SHE. THEM. THEIR. HIM.
The Voice Within
Written by Christina Aguilera, Glen Ballard
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ooh
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly, ooh
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, ohh
Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away, ooh ohh
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day, ohh
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside, look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within
Ohh yeah, ooh, yeah ohh
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
Break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
(Be strong)
Just don't forsake it because
(No one can tell you what you can't do)
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
And like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, oh yeah
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ohh
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ooh
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly, ooh
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, ohh
Young girl don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away, ooh ohh
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you're gonna see your brighter day, ohh
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside, look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within
Ohh yeah, ooh, yeah ohh
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
(Be strong)
Break it
(Hold on)
You'll make it
(Be strong)
Just don't forsake it because
(No one can tell you what you can't do)
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
And like your oldest friend just
Trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
You'll learn to begin to
Trust the voice within, oh yeah
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ohh
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 10:29 PM
and the tears you cry
at 10:29 PM
Thursday, September 25, 2008
i feel like my mom's a hctib.
im sorry but i dont think that she did a great job in being a mom.
ok yes. i thank her for showering me with material needs and wants, cooking for me, washing my laundry and giving me advice once in a while.
[now my selfish thoughts]
but i hate her more for bringing me into this world.
if you think you're so busy, why bother to bore me? afterall, im just an accident child. i'd rather you killed me in your womb then to bring me into this world of suffering, leaving me to survive the odds on my own. you told the whole world how you magnimously decided to retire early so you could spend more time at home with me. yes you did physically. but your heart was always with the pets or the strays. it seems absurd why im jealous over the love you gave to animals, but. IM YOUR DAUGHTER. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and yet... you have so much, so many to love....
you seem so "general" that a domestic helper can easily replace your position. you dont even know now what my needs are, let alone the wants. at least she talks more to me.. and she'll probably spend more time with me than you do. mummy. i just need you to give me a reassuring hug that you never had the intention of letting me go. and YOU still LOVE ME like the way i do.
so many times i wanted to go out with you, and speak to you like what every child does, but it's so difficult. you think i've grown up since im going on seventeen, but im sorry. i don't think i ever will be. the day that i'll ever become independent and perhaps more secure is when we part forever. the thought is saddening, but it gives me a confirmation that i have less to worry.
i didnt realise these in the past. i wonder why.
maybe we had maids. and more importantly, pets. animals indeed provide good emotional support and thus therapy. whenever i feel lonely, i can play with them, sleep with them and they'll all respond. even if they hurt me, at least i know im present. now we moved house, there's no more pets to confide in. but i vividly recall those days back at green meadows, when the GRASSES ARE ALWAYS GREEN and the BIRDS ALWAYS SINGING. im not born to be a nomad cause I HATE MOVING.
dad used to advise me to look up to my brothers and sisters for help and talk to them whenever possible. ok. but isnt it a bit too awkward to speak to someone not exactly of your generation. i mean. when your sibling thinks about powerpuffgirls, you can't possibly explain whatever you're gonna write in your gp essay right? so now what. im older.. and the age gaps doesnt seem significant anymore. and now i express myself. but another barrier pops out. none of them is there whenever i needed that life buoy. one got married and moved out. another spends her time at church or at the pool, the last one has signed on, leaving him with a maximum of 1.5 days per week at home FOR RESTING. what the hell am i supposed to do now? friends? i'll need time to switch emotional support again like from pets to siblings.
oh gawd damnit. im such an insecure bitch. such a hypocrite and i hate myself for who i am. i wanna talk. but it's so difficut to speak up. let alone finding someone to speak to.
now who the hell am i supposed to really confide to? my besties? so what? the thought of graduation totally drags my heart down to the very bottom. WE WILL NOT DISPATCH. ok even if we really don't. admit it. our thoughts will drift in different directions and eventually we lose the common topic we used to have.
im tired. really exhausted. blow wind blow. blow away my troubles and saddening thoughts. please.
yay. ok now i've complains and whined. im happier. not totally. at least i stopped sobbing over lil stuff like how my mom just left me behind again whilst she went off shopping with her closer daughter. WHO SAYS PARENTS DO NOT DISPLAY BIASNESS? and realised i hadnt talked much about my dad? he's a workaholic. at least this fact was learned the time i learnt to understand whatever was going on around me and time was given to let me get used to it.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 2:10 PM
and the tears you cry
at 2:10 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
i dont understand.
every song im browsing sounds. really sad.
each sentence flashes a memory from the past.
and reminds me of how jc life is gonna end.
and how the class.. and eventually the cliques are gonna dispatch.
i hate it. no. im not crying. but i cant assure i wont later.
*bless.
thank you minghwei and yit an for the crazy house entertainment yesterday. let us remain just as close.
thank you sweet. for the advice, and the laughter you brought to my gloomy day.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 11:44 PM
and the tears you cry
at 11:44 PM
leave out this emo post.
a lousy day spent and more to come.
suddenly i wished that im still in the midst of exams. at least everyone was trapped at their studying tables just like me. perhaps a little less emo than me.
difficulties in co-ordinating timings with secondary school friends was enough. getting my schedule turned upside down was yet another blow. when i was in full hope of putting on clothes i've been yearning to wear and getting out with friends since about a month ago, i realised that not everyone was as "free" as me. they might simply be too "busy".
i thought of spending time with my mother. but we always bicker and end up really unhappy. so why not. avoid her. keep private times with her to a minimum. it's good for both of us. afterall, im not born to be boot-licker or someone so ever sensitive to what others think about me and neither is her health or her temper getting anywhere better these days. and because of these, i worry even more.
then i thought of going out myself. to sing, to shop, whatever. miserable but maybe i get some fresh air. naaah. striked off that idea. firstly, i have no idea where to head. next,i unintentionally starved myself the whole day everytime i was out, leaving myself with gastric even after dinner.
big bro and his wife have gone to taiwan. where natural danger lurks as my father reprimanded it's the "hurricane season". some time early next month, 2bro gonna fly over not for holiday but for work. and probably be back when my A levels officially begins. that means no proper family gathering for... 2 months? and no proper birthday. i thoroughly regret placing high importance for family. and sometimes peers. cause it really hurts and empties your heart so much that you feel lonely, afraid and sometimes even angered. and when people asks and comforts, you could only leave such sorrow aside until it creeps back deep within. frankly, there's no cure right.
tell me. who do you talk to when you need a talk? maybe i should learn what most little girls do---talk to their stuff toys like they were alive. ahh. i must be crazy.
now i think of my pets. often realising what a mess i made on my table filled with tissue paper. ahhhh. this suck. the selfish pessimistic girl is out again. she'd rather find herself trapped permanently in a vicious cycle of examinations or live a life that only life and death mattered. no sympathy would do her good. she'll probably give in and fall further down the well. it's time to immerse in stuff like drawing or something that requires concentration, eliminating all unhappiness.
she currently sits in her bed, wonders when someone will produce pills that stimulates dementia so she would forget and get on with life. or maybe. she would be better made a robot. and specifically, with no EQ and AQ. or maybe, hope that some MP would propose that it is not a sin to die and so there's nothing wrong with taking your own life.
people. i told you dont read right.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 12:45 AM
and the tears you cry
at 12:45 AM
birthday cum dinner
firstly, a-bit-belated-by-the-time-i-blog HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY!!!!![yes, if yall havent realised who sally really is. now you know. *LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY*]
and congrats to sally, who like john, made it to my blog with your big face. YAY. similarity is that both are taken by ME using SOMEONE ELSE'S CAMERA. and once again YAY.
supposed to be meeting seet at orchard mrt to earlier at 4.30pm ends up in a rush... so i ended up meeting her at 5pm with blisters. *sighs* so anyway, we proceeded to cineleisure where we PLANNED to take neoprints BEFORE the class dinner. it ends up that EVERYONE WAS LATE. the agreed time was 5pm. seet and me arrived at like 5.15pm and subsequently ks and renu at a later time... jwong was the most "hopeless one" haha. we end up truly meeting up in front of seoul garden. hahahha. well. AT LEAST JWONG WASNT LATE FOR THE CLASS DINNER. WOAH. and thank you seet jwong renu ks for coming. especially jwong, it was quite unexpected you agreed to come. (: and char we all know you cant come. never. you've SHOWN YOUR SINCERITY in his card. BUAHAHHAHA.
dinner was.besides the fact i successfully fed the bday boy who claimed to be on diet.. ARGH. kinda screwed up. i mean.. ROTTEN EGG?! EEWWWWW. totally grossed out. and seet ate across some metal wire in her food. ok. no more seoul garden. HMPH.so after some camwhoring for half an hour or so outside the restaurant, we all bidded goodbye and started to ALL WALK OFF IN THE SAME DIRECTION. so if was kinda hi-bye-hi non-stop.. HAHA. AMUSING.
deciding to try our luck, seet jwong ks me headed to cineleisure to take neoprints. FINALLY. pity renu had to leave earlier...[the result of the pictures evident on facebook and above] haha. finally a satisfying neoprint experience. a total of 6 shots: sexy cute dirty/lesbian nerd lianz crazy. only 4 were chosen for prints. HAHA. well. after all these crazy shots, we headed off and i RELUCTANTLY agreed to try on some clothes. AMAZING THEY COULD FIND MY SIZE. haha. but NO WAY am i gonna wear those man. not until.. NEVER-mind. HEH.
ok. that's all. i guess. more pictures when i get hold of the necks of those who have yet to upload their pictures. thanks ks and seet for efficiency. (: and i shall continue wailing...--->sally refuses to wear the pink clips we bought him. YOU DARE GIVE AWAY YOU WATCH OUT.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 12:32 PM
and the tears you cry
at 12:32 PM
hurrays for post-prelims. complain of sequential events.
WAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAA. FINALLY. after finding extra bald patches on my head, losing the mood to enjoy birthday celebrations and family gatherings over the mugging period, like everyone, i found peace, calmness and absolute freedom.. though only temporary. BUT WHO CARES.
"let's go town! let's go town! let's go town! let's go town!" it has been ongoing for the past 3 weeks like a rally.. LITERALLY. AHHH. alas. "i went town! i went town! i went town!" suddenly. i felt like a cheerleader. at the bottom of my heart DUH.
*wonders if this entry will turn out to be an essay.*
and it turns out. IT SHALL AND WILL BE.
I JUST RECEIVED THIS LETTER OF APPRECIATION FROM A FRIEND I HAVENT MET OR SPOKE TO (: the content was basically about that "today" is her birthday and she thanks me for being her friend.. I THINK IT'S A SHE LA. cause, the most important part of the letter, i.e. the name.. is the only thing I COULD NOT READ! AHHHHHHHH! hmm. now i have to start flipping through my history books, searching facebook and friendster and subsequently even blackmailing people to send their list of september babies to me. *sighs.
to this friend: in case you happen to know my blog too, IM SO SORRY. that i couldnt read handwritings very well. i loved your cursive traits.. but i guess i just suck at reading hand written stuff. I SWEAR I'LL FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE. and I LOVE YOU TOO. just WRITE MORE OFTEN TO ME. *grins*
so anyway, surprise aside, my morning movie experience was devastated. TOTALLY DEVASTATED. oh gosh. i promised to curse and swear on my blog about the TERRIBLY AWFUL movie called DISASTER.
I SWEAR THAT F-ING movie.. no. it's NOT a movie. it's just a cut and paste si bei random yet put together a illogical sequence of events. i mean. WHO THE HELL put ironman, the green hulk, batman, hancock, high school musical, juno and BLAH BLAH BLAH together?! and a wrestler in tights in 10 000 BC?! WTF?! i knew something wasnt right immediately when the movie started. BUT GAWD KNOWS IT WOULD TURN OUT SO UNENJOYABLE and in fact PISSING ME OFF?! probably the main factor that angered me was quality of the show. ok fine if it's illogical, with meteorites 5 metres in diameter falling on the road to only cause a dent, or a pregnant woman moving to the grooves of step-up and spinning ON HER STOMACH. i guess the director enjoyed huge bosoms and faeces-stained CK underwear.. but i hate it. the movie is SO superficial. damn. i'd rather watch borat. admit it. at least borat provided some sort of logic.
there was a short time lapse of about 15 minutes in between while me sweet and caramel gobbled up out subway sandwiches we bought before the 1st movie.. AHHH. quite satisfying.. the only thing i couldnt exactly figure out was WHY THERE WAS A FLY "z-ing" AROUNG MY FOOD ONLY and sweet and caramel were left "unharmed"?! hey.. i didnt know fly practiced discrimination.. i thought only mosquitoes did. DAMN IT. *hears sally saying: ahh. hahah. veri farnie.. i need to tickle myself to laugh*---->retarded.
and.. EMBARRASING MOMENT OF THE DAY. thanks to basement 1 toilet of cineleisure.. which failed to identify which toilet and which. it "enabled" me to once again, OPENLY STEP INTO A MALE TOILET while a stranger took the other entrance..
*steps into toilet. sees urinal...turns back and sees stranger*
"err. i think that's YOURS" we said [almost] simultaneously.. THANK GOODNESS other levels had their toilet labelled with cheap prints on A4-sized paper.. I PRAY THAT GUY WILL NEVER REGCONISE ME.
ahhhh. WALL-E IS MUCH MUCH WAY BETTAR. like duh. though it wasnt exactly a no-conversation kinda thing, words were kept to really a minimum. through little movements and body languages, messages were conveyed elegantly and effective. it's PERFECT. im soooo glad i watched wall-e after that bloody disaster.
by the way, if you DID NOT realise... sweet caramel and i kinda hopped on for an unusual movie marathon--just 2 movies.. WITHOUT glucose and hotlips or swan--->this girl was dying after boring disaster.
also coincided with MANY of my schoolmates. AWWW. IN THE SAME THEATRE SOMEMORE. sweet. it's great to have close juniors like SHEILA-LA, yuen sin, lalala~. love ya!
so anyway, i brought home with me some gentle reminders from WALL-E.
- no matter how workaholic you may be, you'll eventually realise the important and a need for a lifetime partner. just like our main character. he worked and worked for hundreds of year until his fellow robo-mates "died" and he realised how lonely he was, even though he had this little cockroach trickling up and down with him.
- love has no boundaries. not distance, looks or even time. awww.
- being served isnt always a good thing. all the people living in the spaceship get 24hr service since the time they were born. and because they were born in space, their bones were even weaker. and they were ROUND.. worse then pandans.. i'll probably describe them as JELLY BEANS will cillia?! oh wells. YOU GET THE IDEA. FAT.
- living in an automated world maybe not be helpful. in fact, those automated machines may one day take control of your lives. and so.. how would our liberty be manipulated by them?--kinda excludes wall-e and eva who have LOVE. HAHAHAH.
- dirt is not always dirty. dirt is not always a contaminant. dirt also equates to soil, which is where complex life evolved from.
- no no no. NO MORE DEPENDING ON OTHERS to clear up what we left behind. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN ACTIONS. similarly, global warming is a result of our negligence and we should take it seriously, or we'll probably be floating out in space within the next century. i guess.. this also applies to ALL NEGATIVE EXTERNALITIES.----i've been praying since young to be allergic to cigarettes and to sneeze whenever smokes gets near me.. and WA-LAH! dream come true.. and there goes the extra 3 packets of tissue i need to use EACH DAY.----so people. DONT LITTER. and JIAN HUI AND SYA. DONT SMOKE. or YOU DIE. get it.
alright. done with the 2 movies and it's just me and sweet and caramel melts her way to john little. HAHA.----> my descriptions are so cool worx!! so anyway, these 2 tired ladies met up again with hotlips and glucose.. WHO ONLY HAD THEIR LUNCH. LUNCH LUNCH. AT 5PM. oh my tian. how late it that. they're probably thinking of skipping dinner. *sighs. bad eating habits. please do not learn.
back home. and am really really tired. imagine sleeping at 3am... then waking up at 5am... siao zha bor. yes. im scolding myself. oh wells. then im dying by 5pm today. haha.. AND MORE MOVIES AT HOME. haha. MEET DAVE is nice. and *sighs* GOOD LUCK CHUCK is super sick. imagine unintentionally watching a R-rated showing NAKED WOMAN.... with your brother. oh my goodness..... too many sick shows today. *think of WALL-E.... think of WALL-E*
yay. i think it's end of my bloggin. haha. and oh. WHY IS IT SO WARM???!!! i want my RAIN RAIN RAIN.... haahhhhhhh..... i've been sweating like nobody's business these days. im starting to wonder if it has got anything to do with having too much blubber. TIME TO LOSE WEIGHT!!
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 9:00 PM
and the tears you cry
at 9:00 PM
2 days to prelims
out of the place but oh wells.
the whole pink thing is my tongue. not swollen lips.
wah-la! to the new trend of using pens instead of hairclips.
my only friend during these times. i tried to talk to it. but it kept ignoring me..
maybe this would be how i'll interrogate a suspect if i join the police force.i am so dying from all the mugging in my brother's room. i havent gone out for the entire week so i think my mind went haywire too. perhaps it's not that crazy to be blogging before prelims huh. will attempt to find and repost johnny's nice nice picture the next post.
FYI: i so happened to wear yellow shirt for a couple of nights.. so actually i didnt camwhore that much la. it was taken over a period of days. haha.
RAWR. why are so many people born in the midst of exams?! it totally ruins the celebration mood. *sighs*
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 10:55 AM
and the tears you cry
at 10:55 AM