surviving the odds

and still making my stand



Saturday, November 29, 2008

thanks to a person called mom,
now i feel like a bitch.
she commented that i am insensitive in my words.
and yelled me a demon.
so i decided not to have lunch since a demon doesnt eat proper food.
i couldnt help but ask,
if im the demon, then what's mom?



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 1:20 PM





my first clubbing (:

Thursday, November 27, 2008







the day started less enthusiatically for me. like who will dress up to go the the ssdc to sign up for basic theory driving test? in fact, i was hesitating between school and private with loads of fear that i will fail the test repeatedly even if i took school lessons[examiners are biased. that's why school students have a higher passing rate than private students]. so seet headed on with her motorcycle lessons with the school while i decided to pass one, basic and two, final theory tests.. after which for practical i learn BOTH school and private. I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT I NEED TO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY TO GET A LOT OF PRACTICE TO PLUCK UP A LOT OF COURAGE TO ELIMINATE THE A LOT OF LOAD OF FEAR WITHIN ME. yay. so settled. oh and yar, the whole world was amazed at how seet parents actually allowed her to learn motorcycle.. but to tell you the truth, given the fact she's an only child, of course she can force ask them for permission lor. my parents and siblings are dead against the idea. HMPH.

me and seet then headed on to amk hub to have lunch during which seet asked if i was free on monday. so i like said. "yea i think so! yay. can shop somemore" BUT THEN. i later realised i should have said "no im not free" so she'll accompany HIM alone. WAHAHHA. ok la. i think if i were her, i would feel awkward going out one-one with an opposite sex. so oh wells. ok, i'll tag along. since i havent found my shoes either.[and i can't go shopping for shoes today since 3 out of 5 toes had blister from yesterday.. but it was all worth it mans]

initially i was afraid that my mom would be upset that i went out again but i think it was the confirmation that i booked a test day that made the night outing possible. YAY. so i had dinner and met seet at 7.30 7.45pm. i had problem figuring out how to put eyeliner so it doesnt make me a panda when it smudges. i think i did it. YAY. just that i kinda broke part of my eyeliner in the process. maybe i should use less force while drawing next time.

our ingenious friend who gave my six choices of clubs to choose from when there was only one---she was dying to enter zouk, didnt know how to get there. YAR THANKS. so i had to sms my friend working there. alright. the "frankenstein" over the phone had bloody forgotten the bus number there -_-". so seet and i decided to abandon zouk for some other time[YES WE'RE GOING AGAIN] and choose between orchard's thumper and clark quay/boat quay. we sincerely wanted to avoid familiar faces so we headed for the later.

on the train, i found myself to be an irritant. seet says im too high, but i kept making noises and weird faces on the train... i was drunk without alcohol... maybe it was the milk.. it tasted bitter. i don't know why.

i think the ground on clark quay is cursed. the other [butterfactory] time i walked there i got blister.. and so is this time. i think they should install a travellator or something... so anyways, we were too early even though the sun has long set. we strolled brisked walk for 30 minutes before reaching the arena only to find the night to begin at 9.30pm. GREAT. and CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SEET WAS HURRYING ME TO WALK FASTER THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT??? gosh. she's that desperate for men clubs and their freeflow of drinks.

so we sat down at Macs for a drink before entering arena. OH. one of the bouncer is damn robust and tall. and his hair was mama cool. like like a strap of grass on a monk's head. just that the grass is black. HAH. we had a couple of glasses of sex on the beach [freeflow] and got REALLY BORED. cause there's no one dancing and neither is there anyone singing, just loudly music thumping and err.. lazer lights in a dark room that is definitely not suitable for mugging. haha. it was seet's lucky day or something where she met her polo friend. OK. CHIOBU-S MEET UP. in the mean time, i examined the surroundings, T-shaped elevated stage, high tables and chairs, couple of really tall angmohs.. some hot bods.. 1 guy in every 20 girls walking in... uh... BIG BAGS. LIKE BLOODY HELL WHY DO I HAVE TO HAND OVER MY BIG WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY SMALLER BUT SHE SHE AND SHE DOESNT???? then there was this group of 3 girls bouncing on the spot to the music. SELF-HIGHNESS. cause only they were bouncing. the word bounce used kinda literally. haha.

we took a few shots and left the place for some other clubs. and ta-dah. we stopped at gotham. seet calls it "got-tham" while i prefer the primitive method "got-ham". and i don't think we were drunk. yet. we sat at a corner seat behind a pillar cause seet wanted to avoid the same friend [she also translocated with her friends to many clubs]. there was a live band singing and playing. WOAH. ALL OF THEM ARE DAMN PRO. there was 2 female and 1 male singers. they could sing practically any song. and the guy, i applaud him for his wide vocal range with absolute accuracy in pitch and melody. damn high can.. i then see 4 teenage girls wriggling on the empty dance pool... hmmm. how fun. but the music was really luring so seet and i stood our grounds and shook on the spot after a few sips of soda-vodka. i swear it wasnt nice but o k la. drinkable.

the toilet at gotham was. AMAZING. the tap was a shower head. SERIOUSLY. and i thought it was auto. i thought la haha. only thing i could say was. WHY THE BLOODY MIRROR SO NARROW. people want to check eyeliner also cannot. after camwhoring a few disturbing shots outside the toilet, ok! we left.

we thought the cannery was a club. but it ends up that. the cannery is the entire block. and there is no MOS anymore.. even though my zouk friend said it had only changed its name to global underground... which i don't know where the hell it was. or is. it was the last club that night and time was running out.. uhh, we just picked a random club-looking doorway and asked the counter.."is it ladies night tonight?" yes and PHEWWWWWWWWWW OFF WE WENT.

seet got a shock when the floor when designed as a transparent box.. and a height-freakout, she had to hold my hand to get pass.. i was laughing like no body's business. and yay. finally there's people dancing in lunar. we immdiately joined the dance pool WITH OUR BAGS giaped at the shoulders and arms and started grooving to the music. hah. it was pure fun. then i started to see heads popping out from the second level. like OOOOH. that's how guys peek at people dancing worh.. so scheming. i had a gulp of lychee martini and NOT NICE DE. especially when i thought that anything sweet and alcoholic would be nice. eee. so anyway, back to dance pool for one last song and we had to go.

ALL HAIL TO SEET'S PAPA AND MAMA. they were always giving me a lift. haha. YAY. ok. all hail to seet too. aahah. yay. open air lorry ride on a wooden plank.. along the way, i was taken aback at how guys ask girls out.. seet and i were chatting and this black modified car happened to stop beside and wound down their windows.. i wonder if seet was really drunk or playing deaf or just deaf. the guys were asking if we wanted a ride[ah hem. seet's papa and mama were just in the air-con part of the lorry..] and obviously we turned down. please. people so tired and drunk i only had the energy to walk up to my unit, change, removed the partially removed eyeliner and drop dead on bed until 12pm this afternoon. and that's how i missed the liondanceouting-promshopping edition. then again, i can't really shop today since i cant fit my foot into any shoes without hurting the blisters on the toes..SO SORRY PEOPLE!

ok. this entry and very long and detailed and seet might just kill me for revealing so much details. haha. oh wells. time to get back to bed. im still sleepy.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 5:30 PM





someone post

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

i must be careful in what i type today. hmm. *nods*

i might as well not post this right. HAIYO.




All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 9:06 PM





re-wear or buy new one?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

i felt a need to picturise my blog which explains this out of place photo. haha. I LOVE RANDOM STUFF.

my brother was not pissed. but showed signs of distress[ok i made him sound like an animal] when my mom handed him the Goldlion shirt she bought from OG. ok. i admit. that was of AHPEH colour and seriously too broad over the shoulders and yet also too short over his lengthy arms. you gotta agree with me he's got LONG arms. so. not fitting is one matter. the price is another. apparently, he's a strong supporter of G2000. and the cost of the Goldlion shirt = approximately 5 times that of a G2000 shirt. and he says he likes to youthfulness of the colour and design of that brand. oh wells. ok. it was my fault too that i didnt stop my mom from buying that shirt. maybe both of us werent in the right state of mind. i guess it was the hunger pangs.

we managed to digress into a more relaxed topic.

  • bro: i don't understand why girls have a problem with wearing the same dress more than once. ok. maybe they're afraid of being seen as cheap. you see for guys, if you keep wearing different shirts, you become a playboy. on the other hand, you wear the same shirt, people will say that you're a steady guy.

  • me: no what. i always rewear my clothes what. my friend also what. sister also what. your girlfriend also. so we cheap la. OR HOR. I TELL YOU GIRLFRIEND AND SISTER. YOU DIE TONIGHT.

  • bro: ---___---"" no, i mean for more formal occasions. that's why their wardrobe so huge. not like guys, one small metal cupboard still more than enough. somemore girls arh, they think being cheap is better than looking like a fashion-disaster or looking ugly.

  • me: sure not. I GIRL BUT HOW COME I RATHER LOOK CHEAP? somemore, cheap clothes also can look pretty what. my friend $8 also so pretty.

  • bro: you see arh, there are 2 types of guys. type 1 is good guy, and he likes both ugly and pretty girls. type 2 is bad guy whom girls like, and he only likes pretty girls. *giggles* and i so happen to be the bad guy...

  • me: uhh. then you just jacked yourself. OF COURSE GIRLS RATHER LOOK CHEAP(and pretty) THAN UGLY LA. we like bad guys what.... what kinda stupid question is that.

  • bro: -------------_______________-----------"""""""""

i kinda lost the flow but this is somewhat what we talked about. see if you understand lor. haha.




All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 11:00 AM





post As

Friday, November 21, 2008

celebration yesterday wasnt the first. but was definitely the major one. went to vivo while the guys went somewhere else. [ok i don't care. cause i am so pissed off right now] we walked for about 6 hours in vivo?? goodness. some clothes are seriously gorgeous but they cost more than a bomb. like hello. 500buck? are you mad? of course all of us tried on regardless of the intention of buying or not. my goodness. seet's body is SOOO MOTHER HOT. so CURVY. HER STOMACH'S SO FLAT!! jwong and i decided to constantly remind her of the fairytale with a handsign. HAHA.

thought of orchard but accompanied mom to OG near bugis instead.. we keep popping in and out of the small shops such that we ALMOST reached bugis junction.

OK. I AM IN NO MOOD TO BLOG ANYMORE.
CAUSE I CAME HOME TO REALISE STUFF IN MY ROOM WHICH I JUST TIDIED THIS MORNING HAS BEEN SHIFTED. AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE THEY'VE BEEN MOVED. MY BED GETS SLEPT ON BY ANY VISITOR WHO WANTS TO WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. MY ROOM GETS INSPECTED BY ANY STRANGER WHO COMES INTO THE HOUSE. MY ROOM=LIVING ROOM THAT IS. WHEN I CAN BLOODY HAVE PRIVACY?! IF NOT, DON'T SAY THIS IS MY ROOM.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 8:44 PM





one more to go.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

all thanks to someone who plays polo, my heart has been thumping with the word levis since last night. *sighs*. this is endless.
ok. trival matters aside, there's so much DO IT YOURSELF paperworks and procedures.. from research to applications to job search and upgrading. sheeesh. i didnt even realised i need a RESUME to work as a PART-TIMER in KBOX. (wthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!) then i gave up looking for jobs and searched on for universities.. after proudly announcing that i wanna study veteinary science for the last 4 years of my life, im zooming out to zoology. it seems a better choice. since. i can work in a zoo with it. then again. life sucks cause singapore just doesnt seem to relent and offer such a course. that means i'll have to fly over the atlantic ocean (cause i want to avoid the pacific) to pursue zoology. ARGH. ARGGGHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. MY AIRWAY IS CHOKING WITH ANXIETY. *chill* and that means i have to research again on the choices of university and figure out how to apply for it ALL BY MYSELF. my parents and siblings doesnt seem to give a damn until they discover that there would be one missing soul in the house and that this soul hasnt learnt independence yet. so till then, im on my own to settle those bloody applications and student visas IF I REALLY "FLY AWAY".
as much as i hate to queue in a line consisting of more than 4 people in front of me, i hate paperworks and research that are ENDLESS in one's life. MY estimation tells me that i spent 45% of my life plainly on researching. notice i didnt put it in years, cause my life's probably being shortened each time i research. and so, i might just want to follow the crowd and apply to a local university instead, afterall, my family is physically here, and who's gonna lookafter the cats at pasir ris? it's rather irresponsible and ironic that if i went overseas in the name that "i love animals" when i had the heart to leave behind my pets. what a dillema.
i cursed at the fact why my friends do not seem to suffer from such a dillema, they easily made a choice and stuck hard to it. and they're moving towards their goal while im reversing. GOSH. IM EXPLODING. my life's a failure without a guide. seriously. some have applied. some are just an inch to getting a part time job while im still struggling to weigh the costs and benefits of the present. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe it all lies with one word.
INDEPENDENCE.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 2:34 PM





go to hell GDP inflation and monopoly

Friday, November 14, 2008

damns. econs is seriously haunting me.
overflowing thanks and bear hugs to those who attempted to cheer me up since the first nightmare noon-freakout. i really got better after wailing [literally] which my mom and sister didnt see it as a big matter -_-" i was kinda surprised cause i was never as devastated to the extent that i need to holler it out with a pillow at my mouth---->to reduce the volume. hah.
oh wells. I AM facing reality and am trying to accomodate the fact that i'll get an S or lower for econs. *sighs* and perhaps get really not happy that day. till then, screw econs. it's time to focus on learning something at the CC downstairs and signing up for driving lessons.. just that, how the tian do i get started.....



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 6:21 PM





Friday, November 7, 2008

why is the sun so gruelling scorching.
why isnt the weather turining cooler.
why is there a 3 day break.
why isnt the momentum kept going.
why am i always coming online.
who am i hoping to see.
why am i still sneezing given the temperature that makes me red.
why is there no more math. and then thinking about sally's ms wang.
why is there no more gp. and then about the coffee i still owe ms chan.
why am i "mourning".
......
why are there so many excuses for me to go out. today.



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 5:10 PM





Monday, November 3, 2008

goddamnit. i hate flu. especially during crucial periods. i came up with a conclusion that exercising regularly does NOT mean you won't fall sick. DAMNNNNNNNIT.

love this.
If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.
[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy
I could turn off my phone
Tell evveryone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)
(Chorus)
It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong
(Chorus)
But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy



All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 8:55 PM










clawedwretch
she’s not here, she’s not there.
and she neither stays nor does she hide






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