算算已三年
请告诉她 我不爱 她
笑着 难过 自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎
狠了心 说真心 谎话
别告诉 她 我还想 她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口 就让 沉默代替所有 回答...
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 7:18 PM
and the tears you cry
at 7:18 PM
my life.
time flies all the time. i wished i had a fly-swap or something to smack this "fly" to stop on my table.. haha. ok whatever. NONSENSE.
was browsing through facebook and blogs and SO MANY PEOPLE ARE GOING NUS. and they make NUS sound so much livelier than NTU. ): ): (psss: for a moment i was going to use "funn-er" what AWESOME english i've mastered at home. such as closing the window, i'd go "guan-ning the window.) im holding on to my belief that I CAN MAKE MY SCHOOL FUN without architecture, without my secondary or jc buddies around. I CAN. *music starts* I BELIEVE I CAN I FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uh. RAWR.------>>i desperately need to vent my frustration. ESPECIALLY when my stolen bag still haunts me. ): ): i feel like setting an altar for it and its contents or something to show my apologies for taking it for granted despite it accompanying my through hell and heaven of my jc days.
so holiday's coming to an end. and soon facebook will become a stranger to me until i get my hands on a notebook or become a regular vistor to the computer lab. BECAUSE im sooo going to NTU hostel. but i havent quite prepare myself to stay in there yet. like all the toiletries, bedsheet, food, erm... I'VE GOT ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what to bring there--except for meal replacements and sorts to keep the cost of my meals LOW LOW LOW alongside with er-herm. YARH. now im so glad i didnt apply overseas universities which would require 101% of my independence and survival skills. LITERALLY.
ahh. so what have i been up to:
was browsing through facebook and blogs and SO MANY PEOPLE ARE GOING NUS. and they make NUS sound so much livelier than NTU. ): ): (psss: for a moment i was going to use "funn-er" what AWESOME english i've mastered at home. such as closing the window, i'd go "guan-ning the window.) im holding on to my belief that I CAN MAKE MY SCHOOL FUN without architecture, without my secondary or jc buddies around. I CAN. *music starts* I BELIEVE I CAN I FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uh. RAWR.------>>i desperately need to vent my frustration. ESPECIALLY when my stolen bag still haunts me. ): ): i feel like setting an altar for it and its contents or something to show my apologies for taking it for granted despite it accompanying my through hell and heaven of my jc days.
so holiday's coming to an end. and soon facebook will become a stranger to me until i get my hands on a notebook or become a regular vistor to the computer lab. BECAUSE im sooo going to NTU hostel. but i havent quite prepare myself to stay in there yet. like all the toiletries, bedsheet, food, erm... I'VE GOT ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what to bring there--except for meal replacements and sorts to keep the cost of my meals LOW LOW LOW alongside with er-herm. YARH. now im so glad i didnt apply overseas universities which would require 101% of my independence and survival skills. LITERALLY.
ahh. so what have i been up to:
- i drove and got a license.
- i drove a 1.4, a 2.0 and a lorry. pffff. i totally dread manual cars. but lorry's actually quite fun. GEEEEEES.
- i painted my nails hot pink, green, purple, blue, white, black, yellow, glitterish bache..
- i learnt guitar and returned
allmost skills to the teacher within 5 days after each lesson. (I CAME TO A REALISATION GUITAR IS NOT MY PASSION. it was merely a spark of interest that extinguished. somemore it was without a "pop" sound. how boorish.) - i went genting AGAIN.
- i ran a marathon.
- i tried escargot. EWWWW. hate it.
- but goose-liver was AWESOME. haha. i like high-calorie food??
- i tried to dye my hair again. apparently my hair doesnt "eat" the colour.
- i liked a guy outta school.
- i wakeboard-ed.
- i bought 2 heels. perhaps in vanity?
- i dragonboat-ed.
- i worked 3 different jobs.(sell egg tarts -_- distribute flyers and served dishes. but amazingly, the flyer job was the best paying one.)
- i got my bag stolen.(i was wondering if i should classify this as an achievement. HMMM)
- i got new hp. new wallet as a result. new keys for the house. and soon a new IC.
- i got a full body check-up. GLAD THERE AINT BOOBS CHECKING.
- i got 2 of my wisdom extracted.(and hopefully that's it.)
- i gained 5kg.(THIS SHOULD SO BE IT. IN FACT IT SHOULD BE NEGAT-ING. *&^&^$$%#)
- i really tried to self-learn malay. the result was.. better than the guitar's. banyak-banyak.
- i made my mom become addicted to my massaging.... i WONDER if it's a good thing.
- i made my dad jealous because of the massaging and now he wants me to massage for him.
hmm. ok. the bolded ones are thoses that make me feel that i really didnt waste my days waiting for university to start. but then again, i only did these things??!!
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 9:19 PM
and the tears you cry
at 9:19 PM
july liberation.
oh. after all the hell with my bag. i got another job at taka selling egg tarts once again. and that was also where i was giving out free egg tarts to surprise patronising friends like erm mel and jwong. i still couldnt figure why mel had to come back to my stall just to tell me he saw quah tingwen and she's very chio. oh wells. met new friends there as usual but not many contacts were exchanged sadly. ): so uh. destiny we shall see.
i also missed out on outings like class' and lion dancers'. and like seet's birthday. i was labouring hard at 5 bucks an hour instead of joining these people for a fun-filled day. and because of how things just come together at the least expected time, i fall prey to mismanagment of my schedule. so i wasnt chosen for the faculty camp that i applied last minute. and neither was my dental appointment following my plan.
ahhh. whateverrrrr. so here's a quick browse through my life recently. i gained weight from eating loads and not exercising. i got one wisdom extracted(which gave myself more reason not to exercise)(and it also explains the BEEEEEEEG bruise on my right jaw. it's been a week there actually...). and uhh. am trying to find time to return yuheng's everest guitar to him. i sincerely pray that it's the same condition as it was when borrowed..
a week back my mom suddenly sat next to me.... with a serious tone, she told me: "girl ah. if got any guy give you expensive gifts dont take. you take le means you want to have a relationship with him. and even if the present cheap cheap or even if it's just he very friendly to you, must be careful. you wait until you grow OLDER then get boyfriend ok. now study more important.." i had a hard time figuring out what she was trying to say really. anyone???
today i finally met up with my dearest seet and renu at cathay. char and kaiwan(char's friend) came later. the thing is i found myself repeatedly stranded after a few steps right from my door step cause the denim wedges i got frm charles & keith were slipping off my heels for some reason though they were my sizes. stair-climbing was a piece of cake but the walking and stair-decending was undescribale(sorry for the spelling. i still cant spell). i took 15 minutes to reach my hse's mrt instead of the usual 8 minutes. ok. im vain. i love heels. it's probably just a matter of time before i throw myself back onto flats.
it's been ages since i conversed with h7. hah. still calling my retarded as usual. I WONDER WHY. but yeah. updates here and there were cool. just that. argh. get well soon. h7 told me to sleep early too: LATE SLEEPING HABITS LEAD TO FAT BUILD-UP. i am so going to stick to a 9-9 habit. ok. 10-11 lah.
i was listening to 987fm when they play sugarbabe's ABOUT YOU NOW. hah. what a random yet enjoyable song that brings back many fond memories. h7 pisq wolfie fishy twiggy and all those rubbish cute names we gave. and the times we sprinted past corridors from the B block to the lecture theatre 1 and 2.. all the way to the parade square. so many times. yet those were the times we enjoyed gushes of adrenaline and felt never before so fit and fab. (: and then i remember myself humming through the school song cause i never knew the lyrics. oh wells. as long as i know it's the school song. (perhaps a school pledge could be written? ST NICKS FTW. we have chinese AND english versions.)
i miss jc. as much as i miss st nicks. hai. i miss school. let's wish university would be just as great.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 11:13 PM
and the tears you cry
at 11:13 PM
looking out for the next step in life.
my brother reprimanded me for adjusting his side and rear mirrors of his car. he said it was etiquette, like showing some respect in someone else's house by not moving their furnitures around. then he gave me an attitude when i asked to confirm the route to my granny's house when i was told to just ask the last time whenever unclear. ): he told me to be appreciative because he was trying to give me an opportunity to practise driving when i was clearly reluctant to touch the wheel. he then question "if you do not want to drive, then why did you learn in the first place?" i was stunned. "because mom say it is a modern day survival skill? so that i can drive when overseas when there's a need to?"
my mom reprimanded me for refusing to drink her soup when i returned home from soccer gathering at 11pm yesterday. and after lunch, she abandoned me behind at the foodstall without waiting for me or at least telling me where she was heading. i felt like i was a domesticated cat made stray. ): suddenly i asked a similar question to myself "if you do not know what your next goal in life is, why did you continue to stay alive?"
the rain kept pouring and memories flushed in. i imagined the presence of my dog if she were to be still alive, she were to be allowed in an HDB flat. i could feel her coarse fur, her warmth and her rhythmic panting. so much i wanted her with me. my mom recently confessed her obsession with cats, explaining that they were her playmates as an orphan. i pity her past. i shouldnt be comparing because i live in a better environment with parents that shower me with most of what i needed and wanted. but i too, grew up with my speciated friends and i spent most of my time with them. now i face complex and unpredictable humans minds accompanied by cold white walls everywhere i go. even my childhood hero MJ decided it was time to go. sometimes i ask if im growing up too fast. or am i still the kid with the slowest reaction..
now im upset.
i look up to the postcard i gluetag-ged to my wardrobe:
"Where Have All the Smiles Gone?
love hurts
it fills hearts
then breaks them
knowledge belittles
it's embraced
then quantified
life kills
it gives hope
then shatters it
even then,
shoulders support
weak and worn
but dry for tears,
for all the sad friends,
renu 30/1/08"
thank you.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 10:15 PM
and the tears you cry
at 10:15 PM