orange words = notes to my swan. please do not read other colours..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! "eighteen years of spring..happy birthday girl.. HAHA"
hey darling! what an EXCITING day it is for you. so i wonder if you've decided where to hang that master piece up AHAHAH. and i love you loads---YES YOU DIDNT SEE WRONGLY.. I LOVE YOU. not i like you-- for being as squealish. and even giving me and seet our idols pictures ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. awwwwwwwwwwwww. sweet girl. im sure mouse will love you if it knows what you feel for it despite the fact that it hasnt developed into a charming thing. YET---so dont hit me! HAHHA. KS FTW!
alright. you shall STOP reading here. seriously. (:
i really don't know what im doing. for a moment i cry and sober over my cats. but later i seem to become ignorant of their presence. is it that im THAT busy that i've prioritised work before even thinking about them.. or that i dont love them enough? what am i to call myself an animal lover, when i can even forget about my cats. i feel like a empty bottle with a fanciful plastic wrapper outside. so fake. so heartless. it seems that my only consolation is that at least.. at least im doing some self reflection.
my day worsened when i realised i did badly for bio spa. yes. the actual spa. how could i have not known that each sources of error has to ranked?! when others actually knew it? WHAT AN ASSHOLE. WAKE UP YOU BITCH. IT'S A LEVELS YEAR. NO TIME FOR BULLSHIT. and what a blur queen for misplacing her notes in the wrong file last night... and i attended math lecture with more than two thirds of a heart focusing between understanding the last tutorial and her birthday. sometimes i wonder why i have to tire myself so much from ccas and academics. why push yourself so hard when in the end it all doesnt even matters.
homework. noun. defined to me as domestic assignment or task. in primary school days, we spend an average of 1 hr on it each day. secondary, perhaps 2-3 hours.. junior college. ALL THE TIME which is what defines us as muggers. what a world to live in. i wonder what happens in university.
friday's gp common test and i think about how i could pull my grades up. ms chan said there's actually nothing you can really do. just go for it. yea. true. but there's so much insecurtiy within me such that i may just PMS anytime anywhere. before i find myself isolating away from even close friends.
life is short. why can't we be given more time. is it really true the shorter the time, then only the more you start to cherish them?
i hate you.
and the tears you cry
at 11:06 PM
oh wells. i seem carefree FOR NOW. but the enthusiasm to blog LONG posts seemed to have died down. thus i guess i'll just fill my blog up with photos in... chronological--RIGHT?! order.. starting from 15feb take5...
take 5 perf. IM THE HIND OF THE RED LION. in case you didnt know.
partner chendol being EXTREMELY satisfied that we FINALLY did zhanjiao during perf.
after liondance perf was some take 5 games.. was kinda pissed that we got kicked out in our first game. i later then realised the j1 team we played against was actually formed to WIN. which they did in the end.. no wonder ALL their guys were taller than ALL our guys.. and ALL their throws were rather quick and accurate. while it sucks to actually know that we DIDNT have fun.. it was also quite fated that we fail i guess.. HAIZ.
there was also soccer AT THE SAME TIME. oh. i must mention that gloria aka cupcake signed our names under nich. chong.. but our names DIDNT APPEAR ON THEIR LIST. how nice.. i was later informed but kebab that we were playing for terrence--or whatever you spell it-- which is erm.. huiyi's bf. i don't know whether he's dao or im unsociable.. oh wells. cupcake played the game which i sat at the side line with lingxi and john mok... and the bottom line is. WE ALSO LOST IN THE FIRST GAME. how nice.
i wandered DAMN aimlessly until i found myself stuck with suzie and missing pisq's cute performance. AT LEAST I SAW HIM AT THE BACKSTAGE BEFORE TAKE 5 OFFICIALLY STARTED. AND I WAS 3 METRES AWAY FROM HIM. WAHAHAHAHHA. ok.. anyway, suzie and i went to play this inflated titanic slide.. in which i got FRICTION BURN on my butt. WTH WTH WTH WTH. i came to the conclusion that.. number 1.. never wear fbts to play that.. fbt's will just roll up. number 2.. i should have outgrown such childish stuff....
okok. went off with sweet hotlips swan and bday girl glucose at like 12.30pm sharp. caramel couldnt come along cause she was.. going home? aiya. forgot. swan still bid us goodbye at whitesands while the rest of us stepped into this porshe hongkong cafe... i wanted this desert... but it was oversized.. i wanted a frenchtoast.. but they didnt sell... ok. i submit myself to fate once again. afterall, i was too tired. and really sleep.. that explains why i slept my way through all the way till khatib when sweet called me up. i didnt know my awaken-ment was that attention-grabbing cause a couple of blangadesh was staring at me when i accidentally threw my hp back into the seat when i woke up... HMMMM. --sounds complicated.
went home to sleep for about 1hr... then ate a bowl of fruits before returning to school for another liondance perf at RI.. soccer camp long started by then. but i excused myself for friday LUCKILY.
reached school at 6.40am on saturday via pap's car cause the schedule for soccer camp mentioned MORNING JOG AT 7AM. haha. unfortunately there were many healthy people who insisted BREAKFAST BEFORE RUN. so it was quite some time before we really did the running then breakfast. OH. BREAKFAST WAS DAMN FULL-FILLING. nutella..was more than enough for a breakfast... i wondered how many loaves of bread they bought. and how much jam, peanut butter, nutella and banana they bought-----they were busy giving it out at the end of the day.
icebreakers. games. pt. lunch @j8. more games. some theory talking. then MATCH! it was quite ironic that one of the goals they mentioned during "goal-setting session" was NO SEGREGATION BETWEEN J1S AND J2S... then it was j1s against j2s for the match.. and another goal was to "be punctual" but we kinda started the match 30minutes later. NICE ONE.
OH YES. mrs soccer lee--pardon me for calling her that cause the liondance teacher is ALSO CALLED MRS LEE. RAWR.--- is getting friendlier than what i thought.. she brought a freshly baked cake for us.. and i think im rather lucky that we have her as our teacher mentor this year too.. or our soccer camp would have ended on a SUNDAY LATE AFTERNOON instead of saturday night. FAMILY TIME IS IMPORTANT AND CRUCIAL TO ONE'S QUALITY OF LIFE AND HENCE STANDARD OF LIVING. HEH.
im number 10. bottom right hand corner.
and the tears you cry
at 8:14 PM
the first i-didnt-know issue is something that i chanced upon on friendster. LOL. and someone requested i put it up.. so here goes:
Message: 28 things most girls dont knowGuys hate sluts even thoughtheyhave sex with them!(oh yeah..you're not "popular" ifyou've slept with more than 6guys..you're a HOE)
--Guys may be flirting around all daybut before they go to sleep, theyalways think about the girl they trulycare about.
--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
--Guys will do anything just to getyou to notice him
--Guys hate it when you talk aboutyour ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.
--Boyfriends need to be reassuredoften that they're still loved.
--Don't talk about your guy friends toyour boyfriend.
--Guys get jealous easily.
--Guys are more emotional than they'dlike people to think.
--Giving a guy a hanging messagelike "You knowwhat?!..uh...nevermind.." would makehim jump to a conclusion that is farfrom what you are thinking. And he'llassume he did something wrong andhe'll obsess about it trying to figureit out.
--Guys are good flatterers whencourting but they usually stammer whenthey talk to a girl they really like.
--A usual act that proves that the guylikes you is when he teases you.
--Guys love you more than you lovethem if they are serious in yourrelationships.
--Guys think WAY too much. One smallthing a girl does, even if she doesn'tnotice it can make the guy think aboutit for hours, trying to figure outwhat it meant.
--Guys seek for advice from girls notother guys. Because most guys thinkalike, so if one guy's confused, thenwe're all confused.
--When a guy asks you to leave himalone, he's just actuallysaying, "Please come and listen to me."
--If a guy starts to talk seriously,listen to him. It doesn't happen thatoften, so when it does, you knowsomething's up.
--If your best guy friend seems toavoid you or is never around whenyou're with your boyfriend, he'sprobably jealous and likes you.
--When a guy tells you that you arebeautiful, don't say you aren't. Itmakes them want to stop telling youbecause they don't want you todisagree with them.
--When a guy looks at you for longerthan a second, he's definitelythinking something.
--Guys don't like girls who punchharder than they do.
--A guy has more problems than you cansee with your naked eyes.
--Don't be a snob. Guys can beintimidated and give up easily.
--Guys talk about girls more thangirls talk about guys.
--Guys hate rejection, but they hatebeing led on even more.
--If you are going to reject a guy,just do it. Don't say they are like abrother or just good friends, it justhurts even more. Tell them that youaren't interested in a relationshipand they will respect you.
--Guys really think that girls arestrange and have unpredictabledecisions and are MAD confusing butsomehow are drawn even more to them.
--When a guy sacrifices his sleep andhealth just to be with you, he reallylikes you and wants to be with you asmuch as possible.
alright. these are bullshit.
---Girls, if u don't repost thiswithin 1 hr then you will lose the guyof your life
---Guys if you don't repost this inone hr then you will lose the girl ofyour life.
second i-didnt-know issue:
I THOUGHT TUESDAY SOCCER TRAINING STARTS AT 5.30PM BECAUSE THAT WHATEVER THAT'S WRITTEN IN THE CONSENT FORM. ok. now i know. it starts at 5pm though it states official time is half an hour later... DAMN.
third VERY impt i-didnt-know issue:
i suck at this.--relax. im not self-demoralising. but it's really a fact... im really slow at figuring out what goes on in people's head. it's like this black hole that could store just about anything you can think of. so don't make me do anymore mind-blobbing guesses that exhausts my brain cells.. and also PARDON ME for being insensitive. very often the matter is, to me, as light as an hydrogen atom... but somehow it can transform into a nuclear reaction in the opposite party. MANNN. IT APPLIES TO MY BESTIES TOO unless you increase your gene product or mutate yourself so much such that you become IMMUNE to it.
fourth i-didnt-know issue:
liondance performance on friday... and the lion is me and tian!!!!! OH MY TIAN. im in deep-shit. what makes things worse is that soccer coach expects us to be on field learning to juggle the ball on FRIDAY ALSO.. errr. he mentioned "school team..." but im not sure im included.. afterall, the j1s this year and damn zai. DIE LIAO. clashing schedules.. just what i dread. errr. gp remedial by some poly teachers is also not confirmed. WOOW... 难道真的要等船到桥头自然直? must i subject my life to fate and just move along. BORING.
alright. that's for now. i havent blogged about take5 stuff and other liondance performances.. AND AND soccer camp! oh. by then... lucky for you guys, i'll probably lose my enthusiasim to blog a long long detailed entry... probably more photos. AND YEA. RAIN SHOT MORE MOVIES. some car -racing thingy.. and errr. i forgot. oh well. JIAYOUS RAIN!!!! *and i stood beside pisq for a VERY LONG TIME yesterday. WAHAHAHAHH. *stands up and bangs head onto wall* i should stop being gaga over him. like hello. PEOPLE AND MICH ARE DAMN CLOSE LA.
last minute i-didnt-know issue: that my blog could be so COLOURFUL. reminds me for those kindergarden days...
and the tears you cry
at 9:55 PM
happy belated 人日!! and and.. happy valentines. oh wells. as usual, im sticking to doing nothing.. quite pathetic right. no time. plus can't be bothered.
oh. it seems that valentine's day a nice day to give birth too. considering so many of my friends are born today. haha. so.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUXIN.
happy birthday val yao.
happy birthday shann.
happy birthday....... and the list shall go on.
bio SPA mock today. kinda shit it out. as in. screwed it up. lol. then it was lion dance performance. which killed me cause tian n i failed in both attempted to do zhanjiao. SAD. but i was really tired. i must admit. sleeping up to 5 hours each day this week is gonna tire me off. but im not sure if i'll just KO on the spot. considering how nutritious the meals my mom prepare. so it's currently just a wishlist to holiday off into coma.
my dad just popped into my room to comment on how untidy it is. and how i can never be able to rise up to become a superior given my poor management. and he has been on this same topic for years. he actually silenced for some time. until chinese new year this year. oh mann. my ears heard. that explains why i always "kok!" my head onto the car window whenever he rattles off with it.
but the ironic thing with him is that.. he doesnt clear his bowls after dinner... and just, he borrowed a binoculors--oh whatever you spell it-- from me. and left it on the bookshelf without even putting it back into its cover. YAR. he's got GREAT management skills man. damn imba. another funny thing is that he USED the bino to view the scenery. back at our old house, it's always ok to use to bino to look out cause it's only the greens outside and no other tall buildings. IT'S DAMN NICE. however, we moved into a HDB area... and he still possess the habit of viewing with a bino... while we know that he's tryin to look really far what's outside... you never know what the occupants of the opposite block might think.. like. "ee.... SE BEI BEI!!!!!(pervert)".
alright. going to pasir ris for some shit rehearsal that ONLY STARTS AT 7PM. but the school bus leaves school at 3.30pm -_-" WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THERE? maybe i should bring a sleeping bag or mat so i can sleep there. friday's take5 filled with liondance performance, captainball and soccer. then another liondance performance in the evening in school. IM SORRY CHARLENE. I CAN'T GO OUT TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH YOU. so i shall make it up here like that:
and the tears you cry
at 12:29 AM
so anyway. went to my paternal grandma house on chu er[friday] in the name of "bai nian". but who do that these days really? lao yu sheng, ang pows collecting, snack attack and mahjong were the usual stuff we did there while the older men did gambling. and the aunties gossip. the newly-weds/daughter-in-laws found themselves a corner to socialise so they won't feel as awkward. the centre of attraction this year was the same as last year.. my cousin's daughter.. i.e. my grandma's sort-of great granddaughter. however it'll not be her next year anymore cause 2 more's on the way.
it's quite sad when you reflect and think why the eighty-year-old isnt popular among the younger generation and in fact quite isolated throughout. perhaps it was communication barrier. one being that difference languages were spoken, the other being that she was slightly deaf. i also wondered if she had any new clothes... if only i could speak hokkien.
i also noticed that the angpows were no longer appearing as just ang..ie red. they were purple green gold. i'd love to inspect every angpow that comes into my hand.. last year there were lots of pig. this year, A LOT OF MICKEY MOUSE. and a few pretty ones. and in recent years as my mom got naggy, she kept reminding me that the amount of money inside aint that important, it's the blessing that counts and YOU SHOULD NEVER OPEN THE ANGPOW IN FRONT OF YOUR ELDERLY and even if you do, NEVER THROW THE RED PACKET AWAY IN FRONT OF THEM. which i totally agree. so now you know why i hate those cousins. those little brats of the family. i refuse to relate them to me until they enter at least into upper secondary.
later we went to another relative house. and i didnt realise how hip he was until i realised he has a christian name. uses bluetooth. listens to mp3. and he's 60 over. nice. and it so happens that jiawei aka my "godsister" moved into the same block. so i paid her a visit and here's a picture as evidence.
cause it's my box-ing day today..i.e. open angpow day, i realised that the amount of "blessings" given this year has reduced. oh you can't blame the adults. you've just gotta face up to reality that one. you have grown up so you recieve lesser. two. inflation has been on the rise and they'll probably need those more than you do. three. their own angpows aka bonus have either dropped or remained constant while the government drains off their disposable income via GST. so guys, perhaps one day we should all just stand in front of istana and bai nian to the president/prime minister. afterall, they're the one who benefited the most through 2 or 3 pay rises WITHIN A YEAR. how's that.
alright. enough of the mean government.
it's that bully's birthday today. yes. TODAY IS HIS BIRTHDAY. and he's 25. old chap. unfortunately, that happened to be an even more heavy reminder to my sister cause she's 2 years older than him and still single. HELLO ALL UNMARRIED MEN LOOKING FOR A WOMAN TO SETTLE DOWN. SISTER FOR BIDDING! hah. just kidding. she'll probably kill me for this advertisement.
--damn. i think im falling sick. my cheeks are blushed in a night of 26degreescelscius and my nose has been draining since i woke up at 1pm today. YES I WOKE UP AT 1PM ON A SUNDAY MORNING. SEE HOW BORING MY LIFE IS?!--
pap went out to his office to "xin gong" early this morning before "kai gong" tomorrow.. so lunch was rather on our own. until big bro came with dasao[his wife] bringing the cake and we celebrated at 7.30pm... like so late. hah. and i realised i didnt wish him HB the whole day.
that noob with his cake. and mom. and a finger from sister.
im still not settled with my cats. i sent a few emails. obviously a few had closed since their emails were no longer valid. only one repied. and here's what he typed:
"Happy New Year and thanks for mail.
We could work out a monthly sum for the 5 cats.
Please visit us or call me to discuss."
alright. from the tone i get. i think he's more money minded. cause i asked him for advice. and. CAN'T WE WORK OUT THE SUM ONLINE? THROUGH EMAIL?! im still considering whether to call him.
cause i already know how much i miss these cats.
and the tears you cry
at 9:17 PM
i think ever since secondary 3, each passing chinese new year sinks into increasing unhappiness. and it cuts deeper.
im trying to be optimistic about life each morning i wake up and face the mirror. but everything seems to be pulling me backwards. making me fall at every corner.
this morning i woke up to the familiar "band" performing just downstairs. i assure you that this NEVER did happen in the past 17 years of my life back at my old house[aka HOME. i never did regard this current location as one.] that was the first and definitely not the last as i heard a total of 5 lion dance troupes percussions. kao. and i know there's more to come. and i'll listen to every single one of them carefully, taking note of how differently the percussions play.
how sucky could your day start of the first day of chinese new year? there was no breakfast outing.. and then i was even told to iron the clothings..
there was also no lunch outing cause my "smart" sister invited her friends over ON CHUYI when we can supposed to focus on spending time with our family. it just totally ruined my hope on going outing with the ENTIRE family. and so bigbro and his wife aka dasao came over for lunch. and as expected.. my room was like the second living room, everyone walked in and out as they liked. at least im getting used to this no-privacy kind of life. so i don't get pissed over it anymore.
my day was ruined when sister's friends arrived late.. about an hour or so. then my sister happily toured her friends around the house proudly like she bought it. my only line of defence is to dig our all my work and pretend that that im really busy so they'll just walk pass my room. and im glad i did that. what worsened my emotions was my sister's attitude.
"jie, why didnt you tell me earlier that you were inviting friends over on chu yi? and that you were gonna have dinner out tonight too? then i could have planned my friends over on the same day as you so at least we keep one day for our own family outing..."
"WHAT. you can spend time with your friends i cannot arh?"
how unreasonable. FCUK.
please take into consideration that my pap only came to know of her friends' visit the night BEFORE when I told him. and that the dinner out was a LAST MINUTE decision. she seems to put friends and herself before family. but im the other way round. that's why i don't understand. and to a certain extent, i hate her. she's so immature and foolish. joining some church that acts more like a club.---no offence to all christians out there. but i never thought young christian church made any sense to me though i attended the sessions quite a couple of time...
i was so agitated that i brokedown into tears. and was gasping for air. i really needed a space. i needed a channel to voice out. but the people i need werent here. the cats that give me spiritual support arent here with me either. in fact they're facing a homeless crisis now that my dad is firm on his stand not to keep them.
hence i switched on the computer, only finding honey the closest friend i could seek out to online. she tried to cheer me up. help me find an animal shelter that doesnt do euthanasia. and i found many unfortunately news too.
- Noah's Ark, one of the few animal shelter for singapore animals in johor and facing a dilemma because their land-years cannot be extended. and hence it has to be closed down
- this has further led to a conclusion in the report that the government--whether singapore or malaysia im not sure-- is not fond of cats..
- spca puts any given up pets to sleep withing 24 hours after handing over. question is, if you think we do not have right to decide to end a person's life, how can you decide on ending an animals? even their numbers are increasing expotentially? isnt is NATURAL SELECTION that the fittest survive? this ain making sense.
- only about 2 out of 10 animals picked up are adopted from spca... and the rest are put to sleep.
- i came to know of this some time ago. but here goes.. it's actually against the law to rear cats in HDBs. i think the government should do something about it.. like blow-up the law so everyone knows about it. or help people like me who downgraded from a private housing to a HDB flat..
i vividly remember how i placed my hand gently on the motionless body at mount pleasant animal hospital. that was when my dog died. it looked like it was sleeping cause it's body was still warm. just that it had it's tongue drooping out and a plastic tube stuck deep into it's throat. and that i couldnt feel it's chest elevating. i cried like shit. i only missed her alive by 15 minutes. DAMN. WHY DIDNT YOU WAIT FOR ME?
now i turn to the future but i only see my cats forced onto the cold metal tabletop, being pierced with a needle and they lose consciousness. this is way too much. it's not like they have incurable illnesses.. i strongly believe that if you give me time, i can train them to adapt to HDB life, whether in the house or at the void deck. if you just give me that chance.
having raised in an animal-istic environment, i'll live not in pain, but endless loneliness without them. and the radio was so nice to help boost the atmosphere by playing mika's happy ending.. which goes like "no hope no life no glory, no happy ending". i guess i'll probably end up with no happy ending at the end of year 2008. as i told honey "cca and academic wise, no matter how busy, i still can cope. but without my cats, without my spiritual support, i don't think i can do it anymore. i'll just lose focus and die out."
this situation occurred back in 2006 too when i was taking my O levels. but still i got 6 points. i cried. cause i know very well it wasnt me. it's just plain luck and help from above that i scored. and i also know very well that such miracle won't happen again. even if it does.. naaah.
the day ended quite bluntly with the news that a body was found at the resevoir near my house. hmm. what a day.
sheesh girl. don't cry. be strong.
and the tears you cry
at 11:56 AM
it was particularly disappointing to find that the backdoor of swensens was made inaccessible to enter when it was the shorter and more convenient way to enter the restaurant.. what made me and muffin drop our jaws further is that it CAN be opened though the sign said "enter from the other door" that sort of message. anyway, by the time we took our seat, we were desperately trying to keep our eyes open so that WE EAT THE FOOD not the footd eat us in the case that we land our faces into the plate in front. oh. thanks a load to kebut who bought cookies (: oh i truly understand that im absolutely not demure when it comes to eating. quotes karenmok,"you look scary." yea. thanks sia.
there were many jokes and light-hearted sacarsm. some of which i didnt realise i overdid it until after words poured out from me. sorry. what made me even more remorseful is that i was actually mad. like.. "hello? why are you mad? you ARE the one at fault! you ARE the one who started it! damnit. stop being so childish." YEA. so i kinda got over the im-not-happy-about-it kind of attitude after some reflection. i should really stop "patronising another person", being so direct and, though unknowingly, hurtful to others even if it's just a joke. i apologise for such childishness. sincerely.
today. the eve of chinese new year. i rushed to st nicks for CNY celebration which was supposed to end at 10am. but in an attempt to catch a glance of as many teachers and familiar faces of the canteen vendors and even primary school friends, it was planned that i meet luochen at 8.30am in the morning. woah. chao early. but oh wells. luochen was particularly mature in her dressing.. ok. considering that she's erm turning 19.. fine. and tian2, though wearing a skirt, looked nothing like the top O level scorer of 2006. hah. i spent most of my time with them wavering around, looking for teachers, etc. it was really amusing to see how the 2 of them frantically trottle away whenever they caught sight of the teacher they didnt want to see, leaving me rooted to the ground and confused. haha. it didnt occur once. not twice. naaah. not thrice too. it seemed like a countless encounter. this senario reminded me how how fiona wong used to escape from the disciplinary teachers via suddenly run-aways. UNFORTUNATELY I DIDNT GET TO SEE HER TODAY. SOME IDIOT SLEPT TILL 1PM. but still. FIONA WONG I LOVE YOU (:
mrs khoong. physics teacher. we kinda disappointed her cause me and tian2 chose to move on with jc life with biology. heh.
was trying to find some brightly coloured tee shirts but i guess i was too tired and AMK hub was a little too crowded for my state at that point of time. so i bought some food, and a little accessories AGAIN before heading back home. wooo. there was more food. it was kinda boring after that cause i just slept till 7pm. i had this weird dream that i was in rj wearing some northstar over-sized white school shoes.. and turkey was there too.. then i was late for class or something but i couldnt move much cause my ankle was strengthless. ----could this be a sign for my to check my right ankle? so anyway, then there was night basketball and what shit. BORING LIFE.
reunion dinner was better tonight compared to last night when everyone had to full their oesophagus to the brim because too much food was prepared. the clearing up of dishes was fast too. which is EXCELLENT. red wines are NICE. i dont remember how much i drunk and i could only remember busy helping myself to the wine.
okay folks. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR. the last time was angmoh. hah. rest well? i hope.i only pray that obstacles this year in life for my would be smaller cause predictions for both my horoscope and zodiac didnt sound very nice. i suppose the obstacles included my fats and, this time seriously, my cats. meow.
and the tears you cry
at 9:45 PM