Tuesday, November 18, 2008
all thanks to someone who plays polo, my heart has been thumping with the word levis since last night. *sighs*. this is endless.
ok. trival matters aside, there's so much DO IT YOURSELF paperworks and procedures.. from research to applications to job search and upgrading. sheeesh. i didnt even realised i need a RESUME to work as a PART-TIMER in KBOX. (wthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!) then i gave up looking for jobs and searched on for universities.. after proudly announcing that i wanna study veteinary science for the last 4 years of my life, im zooming out to zoology. it seems a better choice. since. i can work in a zoo with it. then again. life sucks cause singapore just doesnt seem to relent and offer such a course. that means i'll have to fly over the atlantic ocean (cause i want to avoid the pacific) to pursue zoology. ARGH. ARGGGHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. MY AIRWAY IS CHOKING WITH ANXIETY. *chill* and that means i have to research again on the choices of university and figure out how to apply for it ALL BY MYSELF. my parents and siblings doesnt seem to give a damn until they discover that there would be one missing soul in the house and that this soul hasnt learnt independence yet. so till then, im on my own to settle those bloody applications and student visas IF I REALLY "FLY AWAY".
as much as i hate to queue in a line consisting of more than 4 people in front of me, i hate paperworks and research that are ENDLESS in one's life. MY estimation tells me that i spent 45% of my life plainly on researching. notice i didnt put it in years, cause my life's probably being shortened each time i research. and so, i might just want to follow the crowd and apply to a local university instead, afterall, my family is physically here, and who's gonna lookafter the cats at pasir ris? it's rather irresponsible and ironic that if i went overseas in the name that "i love animals" when i had the heart to leave behind my pets. what a dillema.
i cursed at the fact why my friends do not seem to suffer from such a dillema, they easily made a choice and stuck hard to it. and they're moving towards their goal while im reversing. GOSH. IM EXPLODING. my life's a failure without a guide. seriously. some have applied. some are just an inch to getting a part time job while im still struggling to weigh the costs and benefits of the present. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe it all lies with one word.
INDEPENDENCE.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 2:34 PM