Friday, January 18, 2008
i didnt go for HHdramafest audition today. and im not very happy about it. really upset. cause it meant that i'll be losing touch with drama/acting for another long period of time. and the only way to release that pressure in me is to express myself extrovertly wherever i go. this is sad. i have no stage. i have no voice. i have no audience. and no one knows me.
chinese new year's around the corner and naturally, liondance has to step up on its training and practices to keep up with the sudden surge of demand for performances by ymca, redcross, imh, canteen vendors etc. hence that obviously have left me well occupied at least for the month of feburary. with my chairperson emotionally fragile, i even more couldnt possibly refuse her request to train. that's her passion anyway. im losing mine. i certainly do not wish that she suffers that fate too.
soccer's seasons coming and it's definitely a no-no to slack off into hi-coach-we-play-a-game kinda attitude. hardcore training on fitness and skills is. all these is to prepare for the season in april/may. while it has been announced that our fitness test, supposedly as a yardstick to choose the school team, is on the 4th of feb[which incidentally falls on one of my test dates], the coach briefly mentioned that the school team has to be picked by end of january. man. this is no time to slack and throw away my chance to join to soccer school team. i must buck up! and i'll have to attend as many trainings, including the informal physical trainings on monday[which clashes, again, with liondance training.]
with four days a week of five occupied by by 2 ccas and hardly any time for revision or even family time, how could i possibly commit further to dramafest which may most likely rehearse at least thrice a week? turkey suggested that i give it a shot first and then draw out when i cannot cope. i really felt like following her advice. it seemed so feasible. but. WHY GIVE THEM HOPE WHEN YOU KNOW IT'S HOPELESS? nothing is working out well for me. nope. and yes. im attention seeking. i need to vent it out.
played class basketball once again for about 2hrs this noon. when the sun is at its peak and burning our skin at it's best. kebab's friend joined in and so did yuheng*cheers*. both of them seemed too professional to play with, bearing in mind the rate of dehydration during the game. jane did stupid wild things as usual. and turkey accidently did what i did last time to jane too. OOPS. the NGs are really related in our class. "common ancestor" as baby comment. and thanks loads to pauline for the ball. haha. now it's winniee's turn to whine about how bad he is at basketball and bowling suits him better. oh wells. all i can say is that for most mechanical work, practice is what you do to perfect it. and it very wells applies to relationships you grow.
soccer has trails for the ever-known-as-irritating j1s today. game, heading, kicking, suicides aka shuttle run, ladder trail and 1.6km run. all planned to test out their team cooperation, ball techniques, agility, speed, endurance and strength. impressive. i guess the '08 batch is gonna lose out to them. this is bad. and i worry for my place in the team... and talking about my desperation, im getting practical and straight to the point. excellent a levels results with an impressive cca record is what i need now. i no longer beat around the bush when it comes to serious matter. in fact, i hate it when i don't get what i want. i just hope that i achieve everything with a consicence at least.
at the end of the day. i turned into a lobster with a sulking face. drama drama, drifting away. leaving me with a life with a passion burning out. no. this is bad. maybe i should have joined the external drama---dramabox to fufil my dream.
one thing to keep me optimistic. swan's house on this sunday noon.
thingS that stones down my heart. forensic science workshop w/o caramel or sweet. upcoming tests. hectic liondance and soccer. the thought of drama forgone.
cries.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 11:59 AM