i think i hate myself. alot.
i think i really am startin to dislike myself. but i loved myself. in the past. i never worried abt my weight. never abt my tummy,my thighs,my look, e no of friends ard me and abt whether a unbroken family becomes broken as the hair greys. i think. i really hate hate hate the idea of brothers bringin gf home. the perception of a happy family shud b there. but why not now? bcoz im treated indifferently. in what way? make a guess. it's really obvious as if a disgusting pus-oozing pimple on ur nose.
i hate my nose. i think i'll start callin it a hose instd of a tap. in fact, choppin it off frm my face ain makin any diff. except that im start to feel pain n the stench of blood b4 i start to faint. ok. maybe i'll try to make myself sound better... im tall--but fatt; im socially friendly--but almost no close friends;im a joker who gives lame jokes--but no one's there to listen or understand;im passionate--but overly emotionally when anything goes thru the exit. so, what's gd abt me? besides that i was accident and born to b bullied by those who had more power..
rigid. that is me. i really dislike changes. i really hate it when anything/one leaves. i mean leave... not even dying. now that it's goona b 2007 startin frm tmr.. i hate it even more. this yr, i wont hurray. i wont cheer. cause there's too much i've lost in 2006. i can't afford to lose anymore in 2007.
sngs, huahui, chicken, minghwee, sheila, jacq, huiyi, winnie, oba, graces,vals, jieying,yuensin, h2s, wanglaoshis, mr tan, audrey, mingee, chuwen,jenny,jingyings,.....
most imptly. dachi n winnie(2005).
grown up in a totally petsnmaid-dependent envt. the sudden mutatn of my envt into one w/o any of the 2 factors, i really feel lost. i dun feel homely though my home is supposedly considered a happy family. an element is just missing. my siblings.. havin such huge age-gap, their often off with their own activities.. my pap n mom often bicker leaving me to myself and the wall. i hate it. maybe this accident cud have been erased. i shudnt b here. then so much less problem will occur. so much less financial burden to carry. definitely. i fail in humour in comparison to my siblings.. they'll bring much more laughter.
i warn u 2007. u better be good. coz i dunno what i will do to myself.
All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 7:02 PM