still lickin' my paws

i think i hate myself. alot.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

i think i really am startin to dislike myself. but i loved myself. in the past. i never worried abt my weight. never abt my tummy,my thighs,my look, e no of friends ard me and abt whether a unbroken family becomes broken as the hair greys. i think. i really hate hate hate the idea of brothers bringin gf home. the perception of a happy family shud b there. but why not now? bcoz im treated indifferently. in what way? make a guess. it's really obvious as if a disgusting pus-oozing pimple on ur nose.

i hate my nose. i think i'll start callin it a hose instd of a tap. in fact, choppin it off frm my face ain makin any diff. except that im start to feel pain n the stench of blood b4 i start to faint. ok. maybe i'll try to make myself sound better... im tall--but fatt; im socially friendly--but almost no close friends;im a joker who gives lame jokes--but no one's there to listen or understand;im passionate--but overly emotionally when anything goes thru the exit. so, what's gd abt me? besides that i was accident and born to b bullied by those who had more power..

rigid. that is me. i really dislike changes. i really hate it when anything/one leaves. i mean leave... not even dying. now that it's goona b 2007 startin frm tmr.. i hate it even more. this yr, i wont hurray. i wont cheer. cause there's too much i've lost in 2006. i can't afford to lose anymore in 2007.
sngs, huahui, chicken, minghwee, sheila, jacq, huiyi, winnie, oba, graces,vals, jieying,yuensin, h2s, wanglaoshis, mr tan, audrey, mingee, chuwen,jenny,jingyings,.....
most imptly. dachi n winnie(2005).

grown up in a totally petsnmaid-dependent envt. the sudden mutatn of my envt into one w/o any of the 2 factors, i really feel lost. i dun feel homely though my home is supposedly considered a happy family. an element is just missing. my siblings.. havin such huge age-gap, their often off with their own activities.. my pap n mom often bicker leaving me to myself and the wall. i hate it. maybe this accident cud have been erased. i shudnt b here. then so much less problem will occur. so much less financial burden to carry. definitely. i fail in humour in comparison to my siblings.. they'll bring much more laughter.

i warn u 2007. u better be good. coz i dunno what i will do to myself.

All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 7:02 PM

bella notte. so short. like a dwarf.

Friday, December 1, 2006

291106 wednesday night. theme: beautiful night. time: i was watchless. venue: swissotel e stamford canning ball room.

took not so many photos with any familiar souls i can find in e crowds n busy-bodies--all taking pics too. e food was not up to e 70 dollars expectation, except for e dessert buffet which was totally sinful---ironically,girls still swumm up to it like it was low calorie food. weird. sadly, some teachers r just too much[oh btw, we PAID FOR THEM U KNOW.], they disappeared into thin air when it was free for us to take pics. like molly. hmm. i wonder where was mrs khong.

anw, stayed in e hotel for a night with mh,graceC,jy,audog,vanS,winnieS--did i miss out anyone? hope not. yeah... e things were DAMNIT DAMNIT expensive.. like.. $11 for 2 eggs?! WTH?! yeah. and it's $215 PER night. plus. we were made to settle in a smoking area on e sixth floor where e view was like a straw--it SUCKS like hell. apparently e hotel was not for us to sleep/rest. we like talked through e night.. until 5 ++am. b4 i slept. only winnie n mh suvived. peifu..

ok. im sooo tired now. STILL. yeah. ok. shall top somemore info up next time. (:

All the sleepless nights;
and the tears you cry
at 7:48 PM